- 24 weeks, 2 days. Still here. Still in awe and fear of our unexplained good fortune, but thankfully the fear has been less the past few weeks. I've generally been doing much better since our 20 week ultrasound, allowing myself to feel optimism and excitement and that this is real. And then finally at about 22.5 weeks I started feeling movement, real unmistakeable movement. A "pat pat pat" here, or a sudden big hard spot there. And not just in the one little spot high on my right side where I suspected I *might* be feeling movement the past few weeks, but all over in various places, sometimes 2 different sides at the same time which makes me imagine a big sideways stretch. The movement is amazing, reassuring, and making me fall in love with this little guy more every second. Please please please let these kicks continue, nice and consistently, to keep the crazies away.
- The doctor situation. I'm liking my doctor and the other doctors in the practice; everyone seems kind and competent and generally compassionate about our history. I came in every week for a heartbeat check from my first appointment at 14 weeks to my 20-week ultrasound, and somehow managed to stay sane enough to make it to my 24 week glucose test this morning. I chose my doc since I got some great referrals and knew that she also saw high-risk patients. But it took me a bit to get through my thick skull that I am being treated as a low-risk patient. Because to them I am - I don't have any history of trouble outside of the first trimester. So this means no more ultrasounds, 4 week turn on appointments, etc. It freaks me out to not be excessively monitored, but I don't really know what would even be appropriate to ask for at this point. I know I'm supposed to watch for signs of preterm labor - excessive fluid or bleeding, pressure in the va-jay-jay, or contractions, and I've talked to my nurse about telling the difference between contractions (lower, like menstrual pain) and braxton hicks (higher, muscle-y, more tied to baby movement). Otherwise I'm trying to go with the flow, but the fear and worry that something catch-able isn't being caught is just under the surface most days. Any advice there from the vets??
- The belly. It's big. And my husband informed me that I now "look pregnant from the back too." (To be fair, I asked for it, requesting an honest assessment of how I looked in my new yoga pants.) And to explain my post title -- at work I've noticed since about 16 weeks the darting eyes when passing someone -- a quick hello eye-contact, then their eyes scan down to check out the belly quickly before moving on. As someone with no boobs (STILL!), I imagine this is kind of like the "eyes up here buddy" experience of having a chest worth checking out. Not that I can blame them - it's weird and strange to look so different in short spans of time. It's like how adults annoy little kids with "you've gotten so big!" commentary, since for adults we rarely change much. I have noticed, though, that just in the last week the comments from the peanut gallery have strayed from "you look so cute!" to "wow, you've gotten so big!" Hmmm. But truly I am just trying to embrace every second of it, as long as I can keep finding clothes in my closet that fit to get myself out the door each morning. Disturbingly some of the maternity clothes I bought like a month ago are too tight in the ass already. Thankfully I was smart enough to only buy summer stuff - will buy fall stuff on a "need to buy" basis only, when I need it at the size I need it, lesson learned.
- Stupid shit fertiles say, aka things I'm actually NOT worried about. So turns out "normal" pregnant people have fears too. As in, "I'm really worried about having an ugly baby." And "Every time I see a newborn I get panicked about what I'm getting myself into." For reals, these are things that have been said to me in the past 3 days. And then they look at me expectantly, looking for agreement or bonding or something. I managed to muster a blank stare back, when what I really wanted to do was give a WTF glare while saying, "Yeah, I'm just worried about having a baby that's ALIVE."
- Bad bloggie. I've generally been having a hard time keeping up with life. Dealing with nightly bouts of insomnia leaves me exhausted by the end of the work day, every day thinking "tomorrow I'll get around to ___" or "I'll do ____ next weekend," but those come and go and... nada. But please know that I keep up with posts on my phone and all of you are in my thoughts in your highs and lows.
Monday, August 13, 2012
This must be what it's like to have big boobs, and other ramblings from 24 weeks
I've been having trouble getting a coherent post together in my head, so I'm breaking down and going for the bullets. (Warning, this is mostly relatively sane (for me anyway) pregnancy talk so feel free to move right along if not up for it.)
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A very entertaining post! I'm so glad you're feeling better after your 20 week scan. And feeling those kicks. They are the best reassurance!
ReplyDeleteI'm laughing about your husband saying you look pregnant from the back. So funny. I put on maternity jeans for the first time a few weeks ago (hand me downs that didn't fit very well) and when I asked my husband how they looked, he said "well... you look like a mom!" Ugh! I finally l picked some out in my size and I feel SO much more confident. Bring on the double chins, because I got a cute bump and jeans that are comfy and look good dammit!
The movement was a turning point for me to start believing that I'd have a baby at the end of this. Brightside, you are so much right where you should be after so long, and feeling uncomfortable in this skin is understandable.
ReplyDeleteI lucked out on clearance maternity clothes for Fall. I had some stretch jersey skirts and two pairs of pants that worked. Honestly, I had no problem after feeling movement looking good in pregnancy. I felt that it was my one time to rock the belly even if I was super uncomfortable with the idea.
Dude. The new knockers are FUN. Just wait til you start nursing (if you are planning on doing that).
ReplyDeleteAs for looking preggers from behind....it happens. Ha ha. You will likely go through a few rounds of maternity clothes! I did!
I'm so happy for you. So happy.
Love the update!
ReplyDeleteI'm having some trouble with the 'getting life done' part too. I don't sleep through the night ever and I'm exhuasted. I've moved to having a single task list item per day. It's really helped me feel like I'm making progress. Yesterday was sign up for prenatal classes. Accomplished, went to bed happy although I spent the hours I wanted to spend being productive laying on the sofa wondering where my energy had gone. ;)
i think there could be an entire blog entitled "shit fertiles say" - ha! i get asked so often if it is hard having twins...compared to what?! my answer remains the same - not nearly as hard as getting pregnant with them.
ReplyDeletebullet points are great - easy to keep up with when two little ladies are crawling up my arms...keep posting!!! so happy for you!!
I was at Babies R Us the other day (which STILL kind of weirds me out) and I made a stop in the little boy sweatervest section, just to peruse a little on your behalf :) Glad to see an update!
ReplyDeleteI know that it's hard to think ahead to birth when staying pregnant still seems so surreal and sometimes even uncertain, but something that helped me was the thinking pattern I tried to train myself to use in planning for a natural birth (even if that's not your plan, maybe it would help?). That you can let go, surrender to the natural process, and that fear will only slow your progress, so try to breathe through the adrenaline and force yourself to physically relax whenever possible. I eventually found that quieting my fearful thoughts was only really possible when I could try to get my body to lead the way, and then usually my brain would follow, at least for a bit - deep breathing and stretches from yoga, hot baths, etc. I tried to keep in mind that it was important, not indulgent, to pamper myself where I could afford to do so...get a massage or a facial if you can and you like that sort of thing, eat whatever sounds most delicious to you at the time. So glad you are getting great care - I had to get a form signed by the midwife saying that my pregnancy was low risk so I could plan to deliver at the hospital birth center, and I felt like a fraud asking for that signature, but it was reassuring for her to be so optimistic and enthusiastic for me. I am so enthused for you - I hope you find some clothes that you love. I also quickly outgrew at least one pair of maternity jeans, which are awful to begin with unless you spend an awful lot (to me). Always lovely to see you post - I hope the last 16 weeks or so are very kind to you!
ReplyDeleteso good to hear from you! Movement!!! Yay! The anxiety got so much easier during pregnancy when I could finally feel him move. Each little pat was reassurance that the baby was ALIVE and kickin'.
ReplyDeleteHappy for you :-) will you post a bump shot?