Hubs and I just returned from Ireland. Was such a great trip - I really let myself let go and not worry about a thing. Stayed out til 3a every night with his cousins drinking Guinness and eating fried food, and never thought twice about it. F-it, I needed a break.
But now we are back, and I go in for another endometrial biopsy tomorrow. Nothing says Welcome Home like getting a chunk taken out of your uterus...for the 4th time.
I have much to update from our last appointment with Dr. B and the latest round of tests. (And maybe a few pics from our trip.)
But for now my thoughts are with some fellow bloggies who have gotten bad news this week, if you could please send some prayers their way...
- to Misfit Mrs, who lost pregnancy #7 this week after 2 good ultrasounds and just starting to get her hopes up.
- to Starfish Kitty Dreams, who fears she may be losing pregnancy #5 after a worrisome ultrasound today.
- to Valentina, who is showing some scary signs of preeclampsia and fears she may be delivering her twins too soon at 32 weeks.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Engage
I've been having a hard time getting a post from my swirling brain into something coherent. [Warning, cheesy movie reference to follow...] Remember that scene in T.op G.un when Maverick is trying to get back into training after losing Goose, and the instructors will him with "Come on, kid. Get in there. Engage..."?
I've been trying to engage back into "real life" and make lemonade with this forced break. Would you like a glass of wine, ma'am? Yes please! How about some cured meats and unpasteurized cheeses? Sure thing! Another beer with that hot dog? Okay!
We've also been painting and renovating our home office that was water damaged last summer. We made a late call to go to Ireland in a few weeks for my husband's cousin's wedding (his parents are Irish and still have family there). Work is busy and I've been trying to embrace it and get in some extra hours. I've been making plans with friends - going to dinner, seeing a movie, having drinks. Still having down days, but doing my best to find some happy or at least fit in the things that I don't like to do while ttc.
What I realized the other day that surprised me is that I'm actually having trouble re-engaging with THIS world. I'm feeling pretty lost as to what is next for us, and I think has messed with my sense of identity in this space and certainly my ability to articulate my feelings. We're not TTC right now, not pregnant, not doing consults, not moving forward with adoption, not [fill in the blank]. I feel like everything is "been there, done that" in terms of reading the books and doing the diet and trying the eastern techniques (acupuncture, yoga) and it all didn't change sh*t. And while I've been reading along with all of you, it's mostly been in stolen moments on my phone which makes it hard to comment anyway, but even so I'm just having a hard time finding the right words. "I truly hope for the best for you but it might turn out really shitty" isn't exactly the comforting support anyone is looking for. So I'm sorry for being a bad bloggie friend :(
We saw Dr. B last week, and I will write another post to update on that. Even a week later, I just still haven't quite processed it, has put me into a mental purgatory/stupor of sorts. Short version is "more tests, don't give up yet, IVF is not for you." Huh.
I'll try to be less lame and re-engage soon. Thinking of you all...
I've been trying to engage back into "real life" and make lemonade with this forced break. Would you like a glass of wine, ma'am? Yes please! How about some cured meats and unpasteurized cheeses? Sure thing! Another beer with that hot dog? Okay!
We've also been painting and renovating our home office that was water damaged last summer. We made a late call to go to Ireland in a few weeks for my husband's cousin's wedding (his parents are Irish and still have family there). Work is busy and I've been trying to embrace it and get in some extra hours. I've been making plans with friends - going to dinner, seeing a movie, having drinks. Still having down days, but doing my best to find some happy or at least fit in the things that I don't like to do while ttc.
What I realized the other day that surprised me is that I'm actually having trouble re-engaging with THIS world. I'm feeling pretty lost as to what is next for us, and I think has messed with my sense of identity in this space and certainly my ability to articulate my feelings. We're not TTC right now, not pregnant, not doing consults, not moving forward with adoption, not [fill in the blank]. I feel like everything is "been there, done that" in terms of reading the books and doing the diet and trying the eastern techniques (acupuncture, yoga) and it all didn't change sh*t. And while I've been reading along with all of you, it's mostly been in stolen moments on my phone which makes it hard to comment anyway, but even so I'm just having a hard time finding the right words. "I truly hope for the best for you but it might turn out really shitty" isn't exactly the comforting support anyone is looking for. So I'm sorry for being a bad bloggie friend :(
We saw Dr. B last week, and I will write another post to update on that. Even a week later, I just still haven't quite processed it, has put me into a mental purgatory/stupor of sorts. Short version is "more tests, don't give up yet, IVF is not for you." Huh.
I'll try to be less lame and re-engage soon. Thinking of you all...
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