On with the drugs

AF took her sweet ass time, but finally showed up with a vengeance on Monday. Just long enough for me to lose patience and freak out and take another HPT Sunday night just to be sure. 38 day cycle, which is crazy long for me, and giving me crazy-bad cramps, but at least can stop waiting and start moving forward.

Started my antibiotics yesterday - Oflox 400 mg and Flagyl 500 mg - 2 times a day for 14 days. Let the fun begin!

So far feeling okay, side-effects wise. Had trouble sleeping last night, which on the surface isn't a big deal, but is dangerous when have so many bad thoughts lurking in dark corners, just waiting to run free in an empty sleepy brain. I do much better when heavily distracted.

Also feeling a little goofy. Barfing rainbows warned me that she felt like she was working on 3 beers the first few days of the drugs, and I gotta say is an apt description. So once again it's like I am blogging while drinking ... apologies :)

My office holiday party last week brought a few dicey moments -- an acknowledgment of all the new babies (including two born within a week of my mc#2 edd) and an end-of-year video slideshow full of days that I'd rather not remember, and moments that I missed completely due to my now-hermit-like existence. But I really do love my job and my coworkers, and a few drinks in I felt like my old fun-loving care-free self. I even danced. I can't remember the last time I danced. A spontaneous goofy dance party broke out, and I jumped right in. I could literally feel certain muscles pulling and straining from not having been used for so long.

Went out Saturday night too, and had a family xmas gathering on Sunday, and it felt ridiculously good to hold a glass of wine and clink glasses and feel the sweet release of a buzz. It felt deliciously... normal. To feel connected and social and happy, instead of cowering in corners, self-consciously empty-handed and avoiding potentially-painful small talk, preferring to be invisible.

Have had a few bad days since getting news of the infection. Discouraged, frustrated, sad, impatient... the usual suspects. But don't feel like dwelling on that today.

May be away from the computer as xmas shenanigans heat up, but I'm hoping for a wonderful holiday for everyone, full of peace and void of sadness, at least for a few days.

Cheers!

***

p.s.
If you ever want to feel better about not having children, go to a Toys R Us a few days before Christmas. Egads. I could not get out of there fast enough.
and...
If you ever want to feel better about an alternative path to parenthood, watch the Home for the Holidays adoption special on CBS. I'm 5 minutes in, and already sobbing. I remember seeing this special many years ago, and it stuck with me like few things do (even then, wayyy pre-fertility issues). I don't know what the future holds for us, but watching this is a good reminder for me that there is more than one way to create a family and find happiness. (Hmm, a little heavier on C-list celebrities and lighter on stories than I remember... oh well, still inspired!)