Well, I’ve written at least 4 posts in my head the past 2 weeks - you know, in the shower, while driving to work, while trying to fall asleep - just none while actually in front of the computer. Can’t seem to get my feet back under me after our trip, so gonna try to bust this one out.
The Trip
...was totally worth it. The resort was really beautiful - huge pool area, even bigger beach, nice room right on the water. Sun never stopped shining, and good god, it felt so damn good to walk around in shorts and flip flops after being bundled up for so long. Found a bit of zen, despite a few rocky moments. Something about being somewhere where you’re supposed to be happy and carefree just puts a spotlight on how NOT okay you really are.
“The Plan” by Dr. B.
...is to try naturally for 3 months, and if not pregnant by then, come back to get my FSH retested and go from there. We had our follow-up appointment with her last Wednesday, and there were multiple things that upset me, as in “there are so many things wrong with that statement i feel like my head is going to explode” as opposed to the usual “boo hoo i want to cry i’m so freaking sad and this all totally sucks.” I’m biting my tongue for now since not too hard to figure out who Dr. B is, so I’m going with discretion, but I may crack and spill later.
You may be wondering, so what might be the plan in 3 months? What alternatives should you start to prepare yourself for? What can Dr. B do for you? What are the capabilities of her practice? Do you need to be thinking about a new R.E.? You might think that those all seem like perfectly reasonable questions. Dr. B does not. Aaaannnd that is all I’m going to say right now. (Guess I already cracked a little.)
The result of this cycle
...is a BFN. Tested early this morning, and crawled back in bed for a cry and a cuddle. I’m doing okay, have mostly shook it off already, and looking ahead to the next cycle. But deep down I’m scared and on the verge of a huge f***ing freak out, as the anniversary of our last pregnancy looms large. Not going to pull at that thread now, too much there.
But on the bright side, I got the news in time to do some F.U. drinking on Saturday for St. Patty’s festivities, a big day in Chicago and even bigger day for my very Irish in-laws. Bring on the Guinness.
Welcome back. :) What the heck...not liking the tone of the Dr. B situation. What I am liking is that you can have some much deserved drinks on St. Patrick's Day!!
ReplyDeleteI'm so jealous of your warm, sunny vacation! It sounds like it was exactly what you needed. But Dr. B...not so good. I'm sorry that's what you had to come back to!
ReplyDeleteGuinness. Chicago. The Green River. St. Patty's Day!!!! All things I really miss. Please enjoy them all twice for me:)
Welcome back! All my favorite bloggies have been off having fancy-pants trips while I'm working in the dreary Chicago winter - blech. Sorry about the BFN and impending date but enjoy St Patty's day (I've lived here 3 years and still can't believe how crazy it gets)!
ReplyDeleteBring on the Guinness is right! I'm so sorry, Mrs. B. This just effing sucks. Have you considered getting a 2nd opinion from Dr. Awesome, aka the RE that got Egg and Al and APlusB pregs? I wonder if he can wave his magic wand on you, too :).
ReplyDeleteS glad you enjoyed your trip! You deserved it!
xoxo
Welcome home! Sorry for the negative and not-so-great appt. with Dr. B. A second opinion is never a bad thing and you know how I feel about Dr. Awesome. Email me if you have any questions.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy St. Patty's day! I wonder if it will be the normal craptastic weather this year :)
I'm sorry for the BFN and the totally sucky mtg with Dr. B. That frustrates me so much for you b/c she had been such a sensitive, super-star doc up until this point. I guess she was distracted, or whatever, that day....but seriously? OF COURSE you want to look ahead and get some answers for the hypotheticals.
ReplyDeleteYou already know how I feel (whispers Dr. Awesome's name again, haha). All that said, I'm still hoping that since you've kicked the endo, your ute is ready to nestle that perfect baby and you're going to make him/her THIS CYCLE.
Thinking of you sweet friend. Miss you. xoxo
I am just going to email you as I chuck my fertility monitor out the window. Definitely taking this one offline.
ReplyDeleteOn the vacation front, seriously fabulous. Even in CA I am drooling over a chance to wear flipflops!
I'm so glad you had a lovely relaxing vacation and can look forward to some Irish hijinks in the upcoming weeks.
ReplyDeleteI'm less glad about this Dr. B situation, especially because I can tell that you are frustrated and upset. Second options can always help--either by getting you a doctor you trust more or helping you see that you are in the right place already. So that's my suggestion!