The week before last was frantic at work - I felt wound up and stressed and unhinged, and just not in a good place. So I pulled the relaxation rip-cord and got a massage on wednesday, acupuncture on friday, and treated myself to a leisurely, self-indulgent weekend, and felt much better starting this past week. My CBEFM clicked over to Peak on CD12 (pretty consistent with my last 3 cycles of CD11), had a good 4 or 5 days of egg-white CM, and got in some quality time with the man. All the appearances of a fertile myrtle, right? We shall see, my friends, we shall see.
What’s done is done. Aaaaaand now we wait.
I’ve decided to focus on my laughter-is-the-best-medicine approach to sanity and stress-relief. I keep my DVR full of goodies, with the latest addition being Chel.sea Hand.lers new show, Af.ter Lately. She is crass and inappropriate and totally cracks my ass up. I bought tickets to her standup show in May, and read one of her books on the beach in Jamaica. Perfect mindless stuff.
We’ve also been making our way through old seasons of 30 Rock as our nightly right-before-we-fall-asleep-iPad-viewing. But hit a dicey episode where Liz starts to get baby fever and worries if her “junk has gone bad.” Damn you, Liz Lemon, hitting a little too close to home!! She ends up stealing her makeup artist’s baby, and later muses something to the effect of “I learned today that I could totally be happy with a kid that looks nothing like me and wasn’t baked in my oven.”
This episode aired over 4 years ago, well before our struggles, but I remembered that line. The fear of not being able to have a child of my own has been in my consciousness for a long time (though I of course hoped to be proven wrong...), and I stowed that message away: you can be happy and love a child that is not biologically yours.
We’re not at that juncture yet, but getting comfortable with the alternatives perhaps eases the pain of present failures, so I try.
Anyhoo - remembering my beach book is making me crave my beach, so here’s a few pics from our trip, a happy place to daydream about as we head into another week...
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| how I spent my vacation... (and my first self-portrait on my blog - ha!) |
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| view from our room |
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| the pool area |
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| some zen |
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| more zen |
Ooooooh, that beach looks fantabulous.
ReplyDeleteAlso, TV and movie characters always make it seem sooooo damn easy to just - poof! - decide and/or accept the fertility hand, don't they?
I'm right there with ya in the TWW. I'm going to do my best to keep my mind off of it, but damn tv and their near constant reminders. Almost ALL of my shows have some type of infertility component...crazy. 30 Rock and Parks and Recreation have become a new hobby of mine. :)
ReplyDeleteLaughter is the best medicine. It reminds us of all that is good in life...and that life CAN be good. Hoping for the best for you.
ReplyDeleteYour vacation pictures are gorgeous!!
ReplyDeleteI hope the 2ww goes by quickly for you.
Beautiful pictures!!! Good luck...fingers crossed.
ReplyDeleteThat water looks heavenly. As for TV, I remain torn between appreciating when TV showcases infertility and being pissed off when it's unrealistic or doesn't provide me with enough of an escape. DH was really annoyed when I criticized his precious How I Met Your Mother :)
ReplyDeleteKelly - I had just finished writing this post when I saw yours, which totally got me going on about Sex and the City! Hard to not see everything through this lens now, isn't it. But good to see the upside in making us more empathetic when we encounter it in real life.
ReplyDeletemissohkay - you said it EXACTLY! I'm so torn too. So hard for shows to get it right. (And what's my "right" is different than someone else's...)
OMG, just looking at those incredible pictures are de-stressing me...I hope they are doing the same for you. I hope the remainder of your 2ww goes by without too much anxiety. I'll be thinking of you and hoping this is your month:)
ReplyDeleteThe beach looks amazing!
ReplyDeleteHoping that this is your month.
Thinking of you!!! Love the self portrait...looking good:)
ReplyDeleteThat beach looks AWESOME. So glad you had a good trip! Great self-portrait!
ReplyDeleteFingers crossed for you, Mrs. B. So hoping this is your month!
Only 9 more days to go! Way to keep up the positive attitude! I too remember that from 30 Rock. I can't hold it against Liz Lemon. I love that show too much.
ReplyDeleteYour photos are beautiful! What a gorgeous beach!