Has been a long week, emotionally and physically. Funeral services for my uncle. Still recovering from the D&C. Trying to process this last loss, and what it means for us moving forward. And then Mother's Day.
Yesterday I started to come back to life - got a pedicure and eyebrow wax, went to the grocery store, made dinner, showered. But then today knocked me on my ass again - everywhere I turned was a reminder of what I didn't have, what was still so elusive for us. I kind of puttered about the house, a little of this and that, not really accomplishing anything, before crawling back in bed for a few hours this afternoon. Almost blew off dinner with my family, but managed to drag myself out and while hard, was better than wallowing all night. My littlest nephew seemed to know exactly what I needed, and crawled into my lap and snuggled for the first 20 minutes I was there.
I came home to find an email from an old friend in my inbox. She suffered 2 miscarriages when trying to start her family. This was years before kids were on my radar or that I could fully comprehend what she was going through, but I knew that it shook her up terribly. After my second loss when I was feeling so alone and confused and desperate for help, I reached out to her. She was so full of both information and empathy, I clung to her like a life raft. Eventually I found a support group, resources, this blog, etc., so I leaned on her less, and to be honest wanted to relieve her of having to dredge up all her past pain. It's probably been 8 months since we've spoken (since I live under a rock and hardly talk to anybody) and she certainly doesn't know about our most recent loss. Which makes her thoughtfulness and kindness all the more amazing. She wrote:
Thinking of you today especially, and I hope you are doing well. The love in your heart for the angels you have lost is real. I continue to pray that you one day will be holding a child of your own. You are a mother. May God bless you, keep the faith that your time of motherhood is still only beginning.
It brought tears to my eyes and warmth to my heart, and was exactly what I needed to hear. I share it here, for all of you who deserve it as well.
What a sweet comment from your friend. The ties that bind us in this community are strong, even when a good bit of time has passed. I hope that things get easier and easier with each passing day.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great friend. It's hard to say the right thing at times like these, let alone such wise and meaningful words. I think others that have gone through what we have help make things a little better, and provide comfort. It's hard to go through this; sometimes I feel like I'm in slow motion and the rest of the world continues to live at normal speed. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteTears to my eyes, too. What a sweet and thoughtful friend. And she is great with words, too. You deserved to receive that special note and I think it is definitely true!
ReplyDeletewhat a wonderful friend and her words are so very true.
ReplyDelete((hugs))
Your friend is so sweet! Thank you for sharing her beautiful words (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteThat is a dear friend, indeed. I hope that there is some distance from all this onslaught of crap. I know that there's going to be a path that will open up for you. Soon.
ReplyDeleteWhat a kind, thoughtful email to receive, especially when you're feeling so low. That's a good friend.
ReplyDeleteI think about you often. xoxo
That is beautiful - what a great friend. I hope that you made it through the day okay. I having been thinking about you and hoping you are doing okay and healing from your loss.
ReplyDeletexoxo
I am so sorry for your recent loss. We are the same age and I can't help but relate to a lot of your story (4 losses, now TTC). Your friend's message was so incredibly thoughtful. You are so lucky to have her. Mother's Day can be so hard for many of us, and it is touching to know others out there can understand this pain as well. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and her note.
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