Labor Day 2009: Expected due date for our first pregnancy. Labor Day, get it -- I think it's cute. Til it's not.
Labor Day week 2010: Expected due date for pregnancy #3.
Labor Day weekend 2011: Spent on the couch cramping and bleeding, having miscarriage #6.
Good times.
Actually, I'm relieved that this one timed the way it did. I'd much rather be hiding out at home over a long weekend, then trying to navigate work and other commitments while WEARING A F*ING PAD. Seriously, the whole "no tampon" thing is kind of ridiculous. I have one cute black poofy skirt that got me through Friday, not sure what the hell I'm going to wear to work tomorrow. I may have to breakdown and go back to tampons, but the whole endometritis thing has left me pretty paranoid about infection. I'm trying to rationalize that my low betas means this is basically just a superduper period, right?
Anyway, I spent the weekend not feeling great and catching up on entire seasons of TV shows in the hidden corners of my DVR. I've worked hard to stay strong this pregnancy, but something about being curled up in the fetal position cramping like hell brings on the wallowing, so I allowed myself a good little pity party.
I also started getting my act together with my records and paperwork for some new consults. I also got myself thoroughly freaked out and overwhelmed starting to look into adoption.
Not feeling very confident about any of our options moving forward, but feeling the need to do something, and lay some groundwork for when we figure it out.
Keep on keepin' on...
Ugh. I'm so sorry that all these anniversaries are wrapped into one. The physical part? Sure does add insult to injury, doesn't it? Don't use a tampon though. You don't need an infection on top of everything else.
ReplyDelete(((HUGS)))
You have every right to wallow. Sometimes DVR marathons are needed.
ReplyDeleteI think it's good you're getting things together to move forward, whichever direction you go. Just make sure to give yourself time before jumping into things. But you know that. You and I are old pros. I just wish we weren't.
Oh - and wear the black poufy skirt again. No one will judge you.
sending you huge ginormous hugs! Here if you need me.
xoxo
I think a certain amount of wallowing is both healthy and necessary. I always err on not giving myself enough time to wallow and just be sad and feel like shit, and that usually ends up in a massive breakdown somewhere down the line. {{{HUGS}}}
ReplyDeleteEffing labor effing day. Hang in there. I know that it feels tremendous that the odometer ticked up, but there is hope. I believe that for you right now even if it feels like there's none at all out there right now.
ReplyDeleteI think you were most deserving of a pity party - you have been through so much and have been so patient and strong through it all. Hoping it gets better from here.
ReplyDeleteI'm so so sorry.sending you lots of hugs and throw all the pity parties you need. eff u, labor day.
ReplyDeleteI hate days like your Labor Day. Hate! Especially while wearing a pad. (HATE!) I realize I am super late here, but I hope you made it though okay.
ReplyDeleteI also know what you mean about needing to make some progress on stuff. Looking forward to hearing about the adoption stuff when you feel like posting about it.