Wednesday, August 31, 2011

I hate when I'm right

Beta #1 
hcg = 75, progesterone = 29
  
Beta #2 (6 days later)
hcg = 146, progesterone = 16
  
Yeah. I'd say we're done here.
  
Emotionally, I'm actually doing okay. I mean, I am pissed and confused and saddened, but not really any more so than I was a month ago post-loss #1-5. Having some answers and being out of the dreaded limbo (including already starting to spot) brings tremendous relief. I'm feeling some conviction that we need to explore some new paths, schedule some new RE consults and start looking into adoption. But more on that later. That is all I have the energy for right now.
  
...Except to say thank you once again for all of your incredible support. I decided not to share this pregnancy with anyone in real life (except a small handful of IF/RPL peeps) - not my mom, not my friends. I needed to shut down a bit, and I'm feeling like if we're going to keep pressing forward with ttc given our history, we're going to have to "man up" and have nerves of steel, and spare our loved ones from every bump in this crazy emotional roller coaster. But having you guys makes that okay, and I feel so lucky to have each and every one of you. You. rock.
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13 comments:

  1. AnonymousAugust 31, 2011 at 7:35 AM

    Oh Mrs. B. This sucks. I am so very sorry. I'm glad that you're doing okay and relieved at being out of limbo, but UGH. Pissed and confused and saddened pretty much sums it up. Hang in there. I wish I could give you a big hug.

    Thinking of you. xxx

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  2. SunshineAugust 31, 2011 at 8:07 AM

    I am so sorry- hugs

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  3. Fairytale EndingAugust 31, 2011 at 8:10 AM

    I'm so sorry for you...not much else to say, but I'm thinking of you!

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  4. StephanieAugust 31, 2011 at 9:28 AM

    I'm so sorry, I so wish you hadn't been right. I was hoping and praying for good news for you all. You are so strong and when you're ready to share I'm excited to hear your plans moving forward. Hugs to you, friend!!

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  5. AnonymousAugust 31, 2011 at 9:44 AM

    I'm so sorry. I wish this time was different. (Runningmama from More Room in My Heart)

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  6. Glass Case of EmotionAugust 31, 2011 at 10:52 AM

    I am so sorry. PLEASE let them continue to follow you. These numbers look exactly like my ectopic #s.

    That being said, this sucks. We're here when you are ready to think about other options, but for now, take care of yourself.

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  7. JeanAugust 31, 2011 at 1:03 PM

    This sucks so much, and I'm so, so sorry.

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  8. apluseffortAugust 31, 2011 at 1:45 PM

    I'm so sorry, but I know what you mean about the relieved feeling being better than the up-in-the-air feeling. If you ever want to chat adoption, I'm here. But get your feet back under yourself first. This sucks and I wish it had turned out differently this time.

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  9. AnonymousAugust 31, 2011 at 4:30 PM

    I'm so sorry hon. :-(
    But I second missohkay on every word she said. At least you're out of limbo-land. I hope you somehow find the answers you need. Sending you huge hugs!

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  10. Secret SloperSeptember 1, 2011 at 6:00 AM

    I am so sorry. This blows. I'm glad we can be there for you--wish you didn't need us :(

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  11. UnknownSeptember 3, 2011 at 9:41 PM

    I hate reading this and cannot stand the thought of you having to go through another loss. There are just no words to make it right or okay. I am keeping you close in my thoughts right now.

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  12. KellySeptember 4, 2011 at 3:25 AM

    I'm just so incredibly sorry you're dealing with this pain all over again.

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  13. St. Rita's RosesSeptember 5, 2011 at 8:53 AM

    I dont know what to say- I am so sorry! I am so upset for you. So unfair. Please know you are in my prayers and thoughts.

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