CD1, the adventure begins!

Bless you, AF, and your on-time arrival yet again. Here we go kids!
  
This month is pretty tame - 10 days of antibiotics and nightly estrace start tonight. Testosterone gel to follow starting Thursday. Then prometrium in 2 weeks. And a blood test in there somewhere. Basically takes me to Christmas when Santa will bring my next AF, and the real fun begins with the stim meds.
  
Has been a rough couple of months, but right now I'm feeling pretty sane and calm. We have a plan, and it's time to move forward with the plan. No more decisions to make, and we just need to take new news as it comes, without worrying about it ahead of time. Zen, baby. (For now, anyway, ha!)
  
I had a nice relaxing Thanksgiving weekend, and a fun weekend before that on a trip to Wisconsin with my family, which certainly helped the sanity situation. Amazing what some sleep, rest, and laughs can do for your soul.
  
I went to dinner with an old friend a couple weeks ago. I was bringing her up to speed on the latest, and talking about how hard it is to keep going. How tired and worn out I was feeling. How I worried that my heart has shriveled up into a cold little stone, with nothing left to give to a child that might some way, somehow make it's way into our home. And she said something very wise - "A little bit of joy can go a long way." I'm trying to hold onto hope that someday we will get some GOOD news, and how far that will go to lift our weary hearts and give us strength. 
  
I also broke the news to my college girlfriend that we'll be missing her wedding, and in the process spilled the short version of all that we've been going through. We spoke on the phone for the first time in years, and it was wonderful to reconnect. She couldn't have been more understanding and compassionate, and it turns out there's a reason why: she is in this mess too. Shitballs. Early stages, but enough to understand. And as much as I wouldn't wish this hell on anyone, there is that strange comfort in sharing a foxhole with someone who I look up to so much, that I'm not broken, cursed, a freak, what have you. Even though I have all of you, it's remarkable how hard this can be to remember on dark days, and how powerfully comforting the realization is that you are not alone.
  
Here's hoping that you all enjoyed, or at least survived, Thanksgiving. I'll be doing my best to keep my spirits up. My birthday is right around the corner, so heading into some dicey emotional territory. And the hormones are sure to undermine any semblance of sanity I've regained. Bitches.
  
C'mon zen zen zen zen...