So tomorrow is a Test Day for me, in more ways than one, and the knot that started growing Monday has now taken over my stomach. Tomorrow I’ll pee on a stick and see how many lines show up. One, and I’ll go have a good cry and try to somehow gather the strength to get through another month, to get back to this point, again. Two lines, and... I don’t know. I’ll be happy, of course, after our dry spell of the last 6 months. (And I know that is nothing compared to what many of you have endured.) But when you've lost 4 straight pregnancies, it’s hard to believe that a BFP will lead to anything but your next miscarriage, and fear sets in almost immediately.
Tomorrow I am also due to find out the results of the bloodwork taken during my consult with the recurrent miscarriage specialist. My head was spinning so I can’t even recall what the tests were, just that there were a lot of them. The last blood test result I received was my low AMH number (0.6) which sent me off a cliff. So I really need to pull my s*** together to deal with whatever news we get.
Deep breaths, deep breaths.
But the real reason I wanted to post something tonight, in case I’m too mental tomorrow, is to say a heartfelt “thank you” to everyone who visited my first post or sent me a note. Most of you share the good fortune of knowing Egg, who is such a very very good egg herself!! So I feel I am in great company.
I’m trying to keep my eyes on the bright side, and finding this unlikely sisterhood of women is certainly one of them. I am so incredibly grateful to have all of you in my life. Your stories and encouragement just make everything seem so much less scary, so much less lonely, and so much less permanent somehow. I haven't had the chance to visit all of your pages yet, but I can't wait to do so, and hopefully offer some support in return.
Here's hoping I don't suck too badly at this :)
Fingers crossed for you tomorrow-- we're all thinking about you!
ReplyDeleteSending lots of positive vibes this morning!!! And prayers of comfort and strength for either outcome! *hugs*
ReplyDeleteFingers crossed!! The anxiety of test results almost killed me. I swear I thought I was going to pass out from fear so many times. However, information is a GOOD thing and will help your doctor come up with the best plan for you. Hang in there! Hoping you have great news to share today!!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you today, big-time. It's INTENSE getting back test results, but the awesome thing is that then you can act on them, and improve your treatment. Try to think of it as the missing puzzle pieces in the jigsaw of RPL....they will HELP you when you get knocked up!! xoxo
ReplyDeleteI also am new to blogging and after being a chronic lurker (ok, semi stalker if I'm being absolutely honest), I finally took the plunge. What a relief it has been to have a place to share my feelings. I look forward to following you and your story and wish you nothing but the best.
ReplyDeletePrayers and blessings for the POAS !! From what I've seen on these sights... a very, very, faint... almost NOT there line (break out the magnifying glass) is a good sign !!!
ReplyDeleteWelcome! I had to stop by on Egg's recommendation. I wish you luck on this day-of-many-scary tests. I hope to hear back some good news!
ReplyDeleteGood luck! I can completely understand why seeing a positive would not make you jump for joy. It would be scary and exciting at the same time. Whatever happens, we'll be hear to listen.
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